Half a Year of no Iron, no Running, and Some Ironing.

Today I got the news that I had stopped waiting for. I found out that 6 months of being physically inactive has activated something else. In other words, the stress fracture in my pubic ramus, just inches from the pubic symphasis is showing enough healing that I can begin rehab. I can also hop in the pool and start gradually and gently strengthening my body.

You know, I was ecstatic, euphoric and probably in a bit of shock and denial upon receiving this news, and yet, a small part of me feels something between sadness and reflection. I realize that I've learned to lead an incredible life without something that I thought I needed. This has been torturous at first, and then liberating. I have literally spent months ironing out the wrinkles in my spirit and I can say with some confidence that today's news brings me close to making one of my dreams come true. No, it's not to run a marathon, deadlift 300 lbs or reduce my jeans size. It's to live my life with flexibility in who I am and how I can express myself. Most importantly, it's to find fitness in my mind first, and then in my body.. Everything that I have learned in these past 5-6 months has made the journey meaningful. I'm surprised that I haven't already planned out my swim schedule for the week, and I'm grateful for it, even.

I feel incredibly emotional, almost as though I'm parting with an incredible friend who held my hand all throughout this experience, and yet I realize that what's happened is that I've finally come to love and respect myself, and that isn't going anywhere.

I'm writing in the plainest words I can, and yet the poetry in my soul is incredible. It's not a victory over injury, it's the authenticity of peace within myself that I'm celebrating today. It's the realization that even though I can, I'm not a better person, a more valuable member of society or even a more impressive body for being able to "do" activity.

What grows, evolves and becomes powerful within you when you retreat from physical needs is something that defies words. I cannot claim to have even touched it, but I've sensed its possibility, and it is remarkable. I'm going to maintain my morning routine of hot shower, reading, meditation and stretching and s l o w l y start to integrate some of the rehab and swimming that I'm now allowed, but I don't want to change any of the ways in which my life improved as a result of this healing process.

You know what the best part is? It's not the rehab or the swimming, it's that I made the most progress, healed the best and found the most significant confidence when I let my acceptance of my limitations flow through me like a babbling brook. When you stop resisting, you disempower the struggle. When you disempower the struggle, there can only be peace.