On Nourishment: Feeding Your Body Means Feeding Your Heart

Manski and I are celebrating our more-official-but-slightly-less-symbolic wedding anniversary today; on this day (around this time) last year, we had our civil ceremony at city hall, before tying the know in front of our friends and family a few days later at our actual wedding. But seriously folks, one year puts us ahead of 99% of Hollywood marriages. Kinda sad, eh?

I don't normally use this place as a platform for showcasing photos of myself, but we really did have some amazing photographers and I paid good money for these, so I may as well pass on the spoils and the good publicity!

Manski is anything but typical - he's 6'6" and intensely fit and strong, he has an amazing work ethic and sense of neatness, he is supremely comfortable with his masculinity (and defines it according to his own terms) and he loves flowery and/or fruity smelling bath products. We are so intensely different in how we express ourselves, but here is what I really want to say:

I have helped Manski open his mind to new foods, new sociological/political ideas and perhaps some fashion trends, but what I have gained from him is immensely more valuable; Manski has taught me to quiet down, and open my eyes and ears.

I think that for any of us who can accept that we are (for better or for worse) overthinkers, it's scary to get out of our minds and be guided by our senses. But I realize now how critical this has been in helping me to appreciate and respect food (and my boundaries with it), the environment and even other people. But let's back up for a moment, shall we, and check out what this has to do food.

Old married couple.

In my About Me page, I talk a little bit about a post-nutrition perspective on food. Now, this is a concept that I'm just beginning to explore/develop in my (modest, humble, rookie) research, but I'm proposing while nutrition has offered us some incredible insights on a particular set of function, values and model for organizing food knowledge, it has also displaced - for many people - the merits of other forms of food knowledge, like culture, traditional medicines, agrarian histories, etc.

Most importantly (I'm going to go ahead and say it *deep breath*) I'm interested in what happens when we explore a way of thinking about food that is based on the other N-word: nourishment.

What if we can look at an eating experience as a whole - rather than as simply the sum of its nutrients/micro and macro attributes - as endowed with non-nutrition health value. What I'm essentially getting at is asking ourselves whether it is better to eat a plate of egg whites and steamed broccoli all alone versus eating a piece of chocolate cake in good company. This approach to thinking about food balances food "value" with the social, cultural, emotional and aesthetic "value" of a particular eating experience. I'm not suggesting a dualist view - that it has to be either bland "healthy" food or treats eaten at a celebration, but rather, taking into account the broader view of what makes a meal nourishing.

Nourishing yourself means looking at yourself as a whole, looking at your life and its constituent moments as a whole and asking yourself how this experience can nourish your life. When we talk about the either/or of "healthy" eating and the conflict between delicious and healthy eating (which I think a lot of people are starting to realize can be conflated into a single notion) and combine this idea with nourishment, we not only start to look at real food in terms of its taste, appearance, texture and origin, but we seek to enhance and celebrate those qualities by making delicious food. But let's not stop there - nourishment means eating in silence, or in great company; eating by candlelight, or sunlight; eating on a special plate, or maybe with your hands; plating or not plating your food in particular ways, etc.

Great food and great eating experiences nourish your body, your mind, your soul, your intellect and your heart. This is something that, protein, carbs and fat cannot achieve by their lonesome.

We are so much more than the sum of our meals, so why not make the sum of our meals something greater than just the basic carbon building blocks of each food we've consumed? Manski has taught me, in these five years (and especially in the last one) that eating well means understanding that something otherwise characterized as "unhealthy" can be enjoyed with a sense of happiness and gratitude if the context is right. When we first met, I hardly knew how to stray from the few safe foods I knew, while he had the amazing ability (or so it seemed to me) to eat well and yet find space for delicious treats in his life. I actually wrote a whole article on our first date (in food terms) here. I realized that it wasn't the chase for the elusive perfect body or even highly moderated eating that I wanted in my life, but a sense of worth, value, importance and love that was divorced from all of those very things.

It took as many years, but I have learned that it's really a sense of nourishment that I've been after, all along. I want to feel nourished at school, in my family life, through my friendships, at the table and in through my connection to my community. I realize now that when I ate "healthiest" (i.e in a more restricted, moderated and regulated manner), I was least nourished. Sure, there are still mornings when I rush through a smoothie or gobble down my green tea, but on balance, I find time and space within me and around me to enjoy my meals. Sometimes, that just means putting my books aside while I'm sitting at a study cubicle and focusing on the lunch that I took time to pack. That, my friends, is nourishment.

You know, while we're on this topic, let me add one more thing. I used to take photos of my food and post them on this blog. I do indulge in food photography, but much less than I used to. A big part of committing to staying in the present has arisen from looking at my food, enjoying the experience of it and putting the camera down. I just want to commit myself 100% to whatever I'm doing. It used to bother Manski when I took photos of so much of what I bought/made/ate and now I understand that part of enjoying the sanctity of a meal requires me to see it through my own eyes and not the constructed ocular of the camera. Canon makes beautiful photos, and I do occasionally play dinner table papparazzi, but it's becoming more and more rare.

Simple, sauteed vegetables with sea salt and avocado oil and quinoa cooked in white wine with guyere.

The last thing I want to say on this topic (for now) is that the "comfort" in comfort foods comes from more than just what you eat. Mashed potatoes and homemade macaroni and cheese are hard to enjoy when, somewhere in your heart and mind, you are scared to enjoy them. The more "no holds barred" I get with my eating, the better I eat. I don't eat "perfectly" and (for me) that's the whole point! I think that all of this - discussions on nourishment vs. nutrition, intuitive eating and recovering from disordered eating - all stems from a single commitment: self-trust. When you love and trust yourself enough to let go, you don't have to be scared that your body will ask for the wrong things. You don't need control when you have trust. You don't need food scales, diet plans, calorie parameters or anything like that. Sometimes too much information can get in the way of knowing and learning yourself. In the economy of self-worth, it's up to each one of us decide where the real currency lies. In my case, I has invested all of my worth in food and the returns on that investment were... none.

It has often been said all philosophy since The Republic is a footnote to Plato, and while I think that can be debated until the grass-fed cows come home, one thing Socrates said about the foundation of all examination, questioning and learning is that it begins with a single, formidable task:

"Know thyself".

A Time Capsule

I seem to be having this conversation with so many of my beloveds lately. We ask ourselves how it can be that we thought we had to push our bodies to every unkind corner of discipline before realizing that it wasn't worth it.

My sister. A gifted and extremely well-trained runner.
My good friend. A long-time lifting afficionado.
My friend of a friend. Struggling to do things "right".
Me.

How is it that people who are able to give so much to others are hardly able to give to themselves? What possesses us to believe that there are certain and limited channels to expressing our fitness, our energy and our identities? And what (in heaven's freaking name) has compelled us to believe that we are somehow deserving of anything less than honour, respect and love?

I have a theory. Let me preface this by saying that all of my hypothesizing and contemplation is based on anecdotal stuff, but that my experiences of speaking with others on this topic lends some critical mass to its validity.

My body is a time capsule. Everything I do/don't do gets stored away in its memory. When I eat amazing food and surround myself with incredible people, it remembers and projects out a light that illuminates me from the inside out. When I criticize it and express my dislike for it - or worse, act on my disliking/criticism - it remembers. In fact, it's those repeated criticisms that led me to think that I had to work harder than anyone else in the gym, that I had to restrict myself further than anyone else with my food, that I had to withhold affection until certain performance and aesthetic metrics were met.
Well, like any time capsule, these memories and experiences have been dug up and seeing them now, on the surface, I understand why it is that my body asked - nay - demanded this injury. And though I did not have the courtesy to do so at the onset, I thank it now for dealing me a relatively good card, considering how mercilessly I used to push it.

Lots of us are into regimented training. Whether it's for a road race, competitive/university sports or just for the love of training hard. I think that's awesome, and one of the things I have learned over the years of lifting weights is that I needed to move beyond (silently) criticizing what other people do in the gym and just be really glad that people want to express themselves in an active way. I've moved from admiring the "fittest" looking people ("fit" by contemporary standards) to admiring the older population who swim, walk, lift weights, do tai chi, or whatever it is that keeps them alive and connected to their worlds.

So, when do we make the switch from kicking our own asses because we think we're somehow deficient (this blog may have just moved from family rating to PG) to working hard at what feels good because we deserve it?
At some point, I think that a lot of us realize that we are trying to change ourselves, not because it's a result of how we live and what we do, but because we're trying to make ourselves into something different - something better. Don't get me wrong, the quest to be better is fulfilling and often really constructive, but I think that we need to ask ourselves whether that change arises from a desire to be good to ourselves, or a desire to change a body and person that we feel is ultimately deficient or lacking in some way...

A good friend of mine has been working out at the gym for many years, and recently shared with me his realization that he was trying to heal his injuries in the same environment and culture where they were created. I can absolutely relate to this - it's no surprise that despite being a bit resentful about my injury at first, I felt sick to my stomach whenever I thought about running or lifting weights. I realized that regimented exercise just wasn't good for my health anymore. As my friend so eloquently put it:

"The gym has served me well. But my injuries are a result of having drunk too deeply of that culture, of having persisted in one mind set (and insufficiently different variations of it) for too long and in the face of counsel and protestations from my poor body.
Perhaps it is time to find...another vehicle"

It's so inspiring to see other people looking to more creative, vast and spontaneous venues - not to make their bodies look, feel or perform a certain way - but to express themselves on bikes, boats, swims, runs, through stretching or dancing - however they crave. Ultimately, the way we spend our moments is the way we spend our lives. I don't think I will ever be able to spend my moments doing things to force improvement on myself. I'm so heartbroken at the things I've put myself through in the past. I deprived my body of sleep, entire food groups, rest and expression. I just trained it. I didn't take it out to dinner, I didn't woo it with positive feedback and I don't think it would be entirely a stretch to say that I abused it. These are some of my greatest regrets, but with them comes a sense of fearlessness about all of the new things I can try. Certain foods and experiences feel new to me again. I am finally happy enough with the joy of swimming that I can float in the pool for 30 minutes, instead of lamenting how I look in a bathing suit. This doesn't mean that I don't love testing my limits in everything I do, but it's the intention that drives that desire that needed a fundamental makeover.

We all deserve the best of what we can give ourselves. If we really want to help other people see the genuine goodness in themselves; to lead meaningful and positive lives; to be the change we wish to see, I think that a good starting point is right here, right now, with ourselves.

I write this blog out of a love for writing and creative expression and not for publicity, marketing or even necessarily a response. I would normally not ask this, but because this post stirs immense emotion, passion and necessity, if this post has resonated with even a tiny voice in you, please leave a comment. Nothing generates energy within me than the realization that so many of us need to know that we aren't alone in thinking that we need to be better, look better and are somehow better for the process and outcome of those desires. But you know what? We need to work together. The crisis of our time, in our corner of the world starts at home, in our hearts, in how we treat and regard ourselves.

First Theory, Then Practice.

For a long time now, I've had the intention of pursuing the martial arts. I knew that I would have to wait until I was finished in my current sport (which I assumed would be after I played out my 5 years of CIS eligibility), but as it turns out, my stick is now officially hung up. If you've followed along for the last 8 or so month, you'd likely know that I'm taking a dedicated period of time and effort to heal from an injury. I decided that this would be the perfect time to educate myselfa bit and learn more about the disciplines so that I can chose a martial art whose philosophy is in harmony with my own. If my body won't be ready to train for another year or so, there is plenty I can do to begin cultivating the mind and heart space, which I think are worth as much (if not more) in developing a sense of warriorship. Now, when I say warrior, I don't mean someone who will take any opportunity to launch a physical attack on someone. By warrior, I mean someone who has the courage to look inward and face his/her fears. I mean someone for whom victory can only be achieved through a peaceful resolution. The philosophical path that best suits me is the art of Aikido - otherwise known as the The Art of Peace. I've been studying Aikido (through various texts) for only the last six months, but I feel that I have gained an entire (yet ongoing) education through just a few sentences and pages. In Aikido, the sense of self and other cannot be entirely separated, so to injure another is to harm yourself as well. Aikido finds the role of love and places it front and centre, as a means to overcome adversaries and self-doubt.


Little did I know, I would see my first challenge even prior to learning my physical principles. Let me explain:

This weekend, Manski and I were wandering around a very cool little neighbourhood in the city's South East end. We happened upon a lovely little groceteria. We had been there before and even purchased some stuff, but decided to stop in and snoop a bit. We noticed that - much to our chagrin - the store was sorely lacking in price tags on most of the merchandise. As we were leaving, I thought to let the staff know that we had a suggestion.

I apprached a young woman who appeared similar in age to myself. I prefaced my suggestion with praise about the beautiful products (imported, organic and some local) and display. She stared blankly at me and I knew right then and there, that I had possibly made a big mistake in approaching her. When I told her that I had a a suggestion, and even before I told her what that suggestion was, I was met with immediately defensive body language and an expression that almost seemed to say "how dare you imply that this shop could be any more perfect"! Uh oh.

I told her gently that the addition of price tags would be really helpful for people on budgets, those purchasing gifts and primarily because the issue of cost is one that I consider quite personal. I have no problem disclosing the price of something I've bought, but it's certainly not ideal to get to the cash register and discover(for instance) that you've picked up a $100 bottle of truffle oil. My suggestion was met with great hostility and my instinct was to let her know that even if she didn't value my feedback, that she owed me the courtesy of thanking me for wanting to help her improve her business. She insisted that everything was "fair market price", but on behalf of the huge proportion of the world who does not partake in the high end food market, I had to insist (politely) that fair market price is not something most of us can even guess! She also told me that, as the first person to ever complain about the price tags, this feedback was not necessarily valid. I sensed that things were getting inflammatory and I was actually scared that she was going to kick me out, because, believe it or not, this young woman turned out to be the owner!

Immediately, I touched her elbow and got her to tell me about the philosophy of the business and its story. Within 4-5 minutes, she had calmed down and was speaking with far less aggression and had become considerably less defensive. I just smiled and listened as carefully as I could to let her know that I wasn't there to pick a fight, only to offer my own contribution to her otherwise beautifully presented shop. This was definitely an instance of having to diffuse conflict with compassion. And I realized just how potent a sense of kindness and love toward someone who seems adversarial can be. I think that by re-establishing the dynamic, we can really put people at ease.

"The Art of Peace is the principle of nonresistance. Because it is nonresistant, it is victorious from the beginning. Those with evil intentions or contentious thoughts are vanquished. The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing."

"If your heart is large enough to envelope your adversaries, you can see right through their petty mindedness and avoid their attacks...""

Now, this woman could have been having a bad day, or just felt plain attacked. I think she was able to see, in the end, that it was never my intent to insult or belittle her. During the initial tension and right until I tried to change gears, I was trembling. I felt regretful about my decision to speak with her and I felt offended by her disdain for my feedback.

I bring this up, not so much to just talk about powerful we can be without our bodies. I'm so glad that rather than leaving upset, we were able to diffuse things. Now, I think I still have a long way to go before I can emanate or instinctively use this kind of approach in life, because I still left feeling somewhat put off and disappointed in how I was treated. I don't wish her any ill-will, but I don't think that I will return to her shop again. This speaks loudly to one of my personal and research priorities - the stratification of classes within food markets.

The food in this place was absolutely beautiful. Some of it was from just outside of Calgary, some was from as far as the oil regions of Liguria and Crete, but any lack of hospitality (for me) renders all of that food to simply "product" status. It's like being insulted by your dinner host. Would you want to keep eating dinner?

I really believe that (sadly) one of the consequences of these new and emerging food markets (high-end imports, organic and sometimes even local) is that they have created this segmentation among consumers.It happens quite infrequently, but once in a while, the coveted unifying power of food is rendered totally moot by its ability to create food snobbery. The grocery store check out can be a place of immense social tension and there are only very few members of specific class segments who can participate in those local/organic/expensive imports markets. What we end up with (in the case of local/organic) is not only the development of have and have not, but also responsible and irresponsible behaviour. But tell me, is it irresponsible to purchase less or lesser quality food, when your priority has to be paying the bills? I think that responsible choices are a matter of context, but as organic food gains momentum (and I'm glad for many reasons that it is), we have to acknowledge the very real consequences it has on creating situations in which food choices become the basis for judging others' contributions to socially responsible behaviour.

I realize that this was a really long post, but I feel very passionately that for all of us (not just those who can afford truffle oil and foie gras) that a basic sense of hospitality is absolutely essential to helping people feel comfortable entering food cultures of all sorts. As a final note, I want to add that as the sister of a chef, I can tell you that the greatest power of food is not in its nutritional value, its aesthetic or its market appeal, but in its ability to allow us all a sense of creative freedom, a feeling of genuine nourishment and sense of closeness with the cultural, regional and familial legacies that we are fortunate to be able to share.

Power to the Puffies

A great friend of mine refers to pigeons as puffies and while the entire lexicon he's developed around puffies is best left for another day, I couldn't help but think of those poor little puffies - denied the right to self-determination - while I made these really delicious puffed kamut squares. This is basically a puffed wheat square...remixed.

I need to rewind a bit and tell you that until I moved out west, I'd never tasted a puffed wheat square. Then, one fine day, at my team's bake sale, I happened upon a real beauty of a baked good: subtle sweetness, crisp without crunch, dark but welcoming flavour and absolutely disarming. I brought one home for Manski and that was the end of that. We needed to make ourselves a batch of these.

I've concluded that the wet ingredients, once combined and cooked would make an amazing drizzle for ice cream, rich plain yogurt, cheesecake, etc. My recipe need some improving. I would recommend adhering strictly to the 6c measure for cereal, as I added a little more and it caused mine to be a bit less cohesive than I had hoped. You can see in the photo that there's a bit of a lover's quarrel/crumble going on. Either way, a total flop still produces some delicious output. I'm also adding a pinch of salt to the recipe, because I think it will give the flavour a great edge.
I need to give a shout out to Veggie Prairie Girl for providing the recipe, which I mildy (maybe even wildly) modified.


Puffed Kamut Squares
1/2c butter (I used 1/4c coconut oil and 1/4 butter since I was low on butter)
1 and 1/2 tablespoon cocoa
1 tablespoon vanilla
One pinch of coarse salt
1/3 c agave nectar (stick factor is better with corn syrup I think, but...)
1/3c brown sugar (I used organic muscovado for more "stick")
6c puffed kamut cereal (or puffed grain of choice)

1. Grease 8x8 pan (I used 9x9 and it worked out great) and
2. Dump (or gingerly place) the measured cereal into a bix mixing bowl
3. Combine first 5 ingredients in saucepan and heat until just one brink of boiling
4. Pour wet ingredients into bowl of cereal and mix together until uniformly coated
5. Turn out mix into greased pan and press down until flat, using fingertips
6. Using a spatula/rubber scraper, spank (yes, I said spank) it down until it's well compacted
7. Allow it to cool completely before cutting into squares.

Oh, and pop by Jess' blog The Process of Healing if you're interested in checking out a guest post by yours truly.

Think Global, Act Loco (and Local)!

As of today, I have nearly reached the one month mark since I did any kind of exercise. Heck, it's almost one month since I even walked from my vehicle to the front door of a store! It's been 21 days since I got my crutches, but aside from having to budget a little extra time to get from A to B, these weeks have been like any other.

I can't say that I am experiencing a lot of improvement in my symptoms, but I am definitely making the best of this experience and enjoying the extra time I now have to devote to other projects (ahem, grad school applications) and to my home life.

Speaking of home life, finding a sense of home in Calgary has been a slow and at times difficult process. I have a great partner and a sense of home that I carry within me, but discovering what I love most about this place has had a lot to do with learning about the agrarian culture that is the bedrock of this province.


I don't speak much about my food ethics on this blog, but suffice it to say that my ideas about what constitutes "healthy" food have seen some fairly dramatic changes over the past few years. Where I used to eat only egg whites, I know value the worth of the whole egg. Where I used to use protein powder, I now find my nourishment in real foods and am much happier without artificial sweeteners in my life. Where I used to eat meat from the grocery store, I now consume far less and far better quality meat that I buy directly from the farmer. Where I used to read labels for nutrition information, I now trust in my inner nutrition guide to make decisions for me.



In short, Manski and I chose local foods as often as we can. For us, this higher cost of food does not represent strike one for local (and mostly but not always organic) food, but rather, strike one for the industrial food chain. All of those shortcuts that lead to inexpensive food mean that most often, the growers (and consumers) lose out.

Food, as it was meant to be is astonishing. The heirloom varieties of vegetables are spectacularly beautiful, the flavors of local produce are more vivid and unforgettable and the relationship you share with those who tend to and harvest your food is a sacred one. Being able to learn about the methods and philosophy of a farmer allows you to (cliche but true) cast a vote for the politics and economy that you believe in, each time you buy or eat food.


The natural consequence (for us) of eating this way is that we consume a lesser volume of food. Sure, we love to drink Perrier and eat Liberte Yogurt (that is essentially a bit sweet bowl of cream!) and do pick up some staples from the local store, but we have inadvertently begun to eat in a more ecologically sustainable way. Is it sustainable for local farmers to grow enough chicken (using natural and organic methods) for everyone to eat chicken every night? Probably not! However, if everyone ate just a little less chicken, I think we'd realize just how much the prevailing sense about how much animal protein a person requires has been perpetuated by "big food" and its influence on health and food legislation in North America. We aren't just being fed low-quality "food", but we are being fed the information on what and how much we should be eating; information that is connected to the profit margins and pockets of massive food conglomerates.


Having said this, I still have a complicated relationship with the commodification of the term "organic". I don't buy products in the store simply because they are organic. My participation in the organic food sector (as a consumer) is not without some trepidation, as I can definitely recognize that many brands cater to the upper-class appeal of organic branding. Organic branding is like sex-appeal for the privileged buyer! What can I say, I'm a healthy skeptic and I've read Marx in SIX courses across Political Science and Sociology!

The sad fact is that we actually need a discourse on food because it has ceased to be something natural in society. Food movements and food politics, in general, are evidence that we have landed in such a distant place from our food origins, that we actually require concerted efforts and advents such as "organic", where (what we now call) organic is simply the default method and condition of old school agriculture and is the norm in many developing countries.

For anyone who is interested in learning some more about these topics, here is a list of some great resources.

Films
Frankensteer
Food Inc
SuperSize Me
Seeds of Change
Life and Debt
Death on a Factory Farm


Books
What to Eat by Marion Nestle
Stuffed and Starved by Raj Patel
The Omnivore's Dilemma by Micheal Pollan
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
In Defense of Food by Micheal Pollan
Food Matters by Mark Bittman
Confessions of a Sneaky Organic Cook by Jane Kinderlehrer
Hungry Planet: What the World Eats by Peter Mentzel
Food Politics by Marion Nestle
The Yoga of Eating by Charles Eisenstein

Please feel free to ask if you are seeking academic material in these areas. I have a lonnnnnnnnnng list of great articles by scholars across the social sciences spectrum who write to the tune of some very hot debates happening right now. The books and films cited above are all very accessible and mostly written by academics, but very user-friendly.

So, if you ever feel far from home or wonder where you can find the real culture of your surroundings, look no further than your local farmer's market. You are sure to meet people whose families have inhabited the area for generations! Eating well is as much about the relationships between those who share the land, as those who share a table.


These are just some of my views, and while I can't resist the urge to toss a dollop of persuasion overtop the information, I certainly respect every perspective on this issue. There are endless ways to regard food and I would love to hear your views, as well. Have you visited your local market? What are your favorite things to buy locally?

Making A Molehill out of a Mountain

Sometimes the ripple effect of honesty is modest, and other times, it can be the first snowflake in a snowfall revolution. After reading Jenna's post on her own experiences with injury and life change, I thought to myself that perhaps it's time to get down one level lower and talk about some of the peripheral but very real aspects of injury.

So, let's all leave our berets at the door. Grab a cup of something delicious to drink and let's talk shop, ladies and gentlemen.

I have faced the injury demon before, but something I have learned (through unfortunately too much experience) is that the more you "battle" and vilify your injuries, the harder it is to heal. But pure recovery aside, I think that for a lot us (myself certainly included) is contending with inactivity and the feeling of lethargy - maybe even a modest snugness of the jeans - and feeling OK with that. Now that, my friends, is tough(er) stuff.

I can tell you this: as recently as a year and a half ago, I would have let this injury turn into an excuse to regiment my eating (to offset the caloric surplus from rest) and felt powerless over my body. It is so easy feel that way! In fact, I think that is exactly the way to emerge from an injury none the wiser :/
As Jenna mentioned in her post, active or not, a great quality of life is worth the extra couple of lbs you might gain. I could not agree more. Sure, I feel a bit "closer" to my jeans after 2 weeks of no exercise, but I also feel like continuing to eat great, nourishing food and occasional treats in good company is a blessing. I feel that telling myself that I should somehow restrict my food intake is like punishing my body when what it needs most is care! Sure, I often wish that I could get out for a long, sweaty yoga session or a heart-pounding session in the weight room, or even just a nice long walk, but I (sometimes with difficulty, other times without) remind myself that the real rewards of rest require patience.

You know, I live with someone who has fairly significant energy needs and from time to time, I forget that I have my own metric for fullness and just eat alongside him until well beyond my comfort zone. When I am training 2x a day and competing on weekends, eating beyond my limit is no better/less deceptive than doing so when I am mostly inactive. The point I am making is that I have always been able to justify making food choices based on my activity level, but now I want to continue to make choices based on my moment-to-moment needs. I realize how floofy that sounds, but much like my deliberate non-diet leading up to my wedding, I am similarly choosing to acknowledge the challenge of viewing food and body in the present moment and not letting exogenous variables (like intensity of exercise) dictate my choices, or override my intuition. In fact, I am taking a cue from Miss Jenna and making a conscious choice (yet again) not to change anything about my way of living that feels good in the best of times. So yes, I am definitely still eating oats in a jar, at every possible opportunity!


This won't be easy (not the oats - I could eat those at every meal, I am talking about the metaJaya stuff), but I am really committed to emerging from my injury empowered. It is hard to abstain from what you love, but it is even worse to spend that time lamenting your circumstances. I am really proud of myself for moving through these weeks (and the 2 weeks ahead before I can do any exercise) with a heart full of self-love. Of course there are times when I wonder if I should have eaten something really treaty, or when I think that I should have just had more veggies, but I continue to return to a great lesson from my friend Alison: true health is being able to find balance and knowledge within you, when everything around you feels upside down. Another question I can turn to when I feel a bit turbulent inside is, "how would I care for a child in this situation?" This usually (but not always!) saves me from overeating, under eating or mindless eating.

It used to be that since sport was the focal point of my life, when it was down, my whole self and life felt down. Now, I feel that this is just a small set back that affects a small part of what I do and how I spend my time, and not only does it provide me with more time and energy for loved ones, school, leisure, etc., but whether I emerge from my injury at +/- 5lbs, I will not have sacrificed any of the special moments that helped me get through it. Does that mean eating all of the sweets in sight? No. It means not missing out on celebrating life with the best quality of food possible, and surrounded by great people.. whether that means sharing carrot sticks or carrot cake! Being good to your body on a daily basis means (by definition and extension) that you never have to "off-set" or "compensate for" anything! Erm, I know, easier said than done, but I am more than halfway from fake it to make it, so I'm going with it!

I know that time off is hard... believe me, I do. I am sure that I will return to this sounding board to vent about feeling soft, or having restless energy, but we will get through that when the time comes. In the meantime, let's raise a cup of tea to the good life; one that moves through and with the tough stuff.

What is the hardest part of dealing with injury or set backs for you? Do you revert to certain behavior patterns or thoughts?

And Now for Something (not) Completely Different...

I do realize that my posts are punctuated by weeks (if not months), but my intentions remain sincere!

Having explored the exercise and fitness links, I have to confess my bias toward the latter half of the links, where (for me at least) the magic happens! Most of these sites feature healthy cuisine, but bear in mind that my equation for healthful eating is derived more from an idea of nourishment than "nutrition" (a distinction that is the current lovechild of my academic and recreational writing).

The cosmologically choreographed timing of this post couldn't be better: most of us need some respite from baked goods, salty treats and the sweet and savoury goodness of the holidays. If, like me, you enjoyed to within inches of your threshold, then you have no regrets but perhaps feel a bit more inclined toward say, cabbage and salmon, than cookies and truffles.

It is with great pleasure that I share these links; mostly food blogs written by people who value whole, real foods and the sanctity of their nutrients and flavors. Please bear in mind that while the mission of the kitchen generally results in some form of output, the process should, above all, be dictated by fun.

101 Cookbooks is a site that I frequent for vegetarian recipes with the most unlikely and charismatic flavor combinations. Writer and photographer Heidi Swanson couples dreamy and smart writing with nutritious and inventive recipes. This holiday, I made Heidi's adorable gingerbread cookies. The only thing more endearing than a gingerbread cookie, is a gingerbread cookie on a stick! Just when you think she's reached the brink of creativity, she churns out another surprise!

Cindalou takes recipes that are everything-free and somehow wont for nothing! I especially loved her Applesauce Raisin Spice muffins. I have probably made hundreds by now, adding in all kinds of extras like goji berries, shredded coconut, even dark chocolate! They are too easy and delicious to be true.

Dani Spies writes about food with a voice that is so colloquial, comical and down-to-earth that it is nearly impossible not to love her (and her recipes). Probably the best feature of this site is the how-to videos. Dani often posts videos to accompany her recipes in which her passion for food, nutritional expertise and lively spirit really shine through.

Elena's Pantry features gluten-free recipes that look and taste so gourmet, and yet hardly require any ingredients. In particular, her baking, featuring mostly coconut and almond flour, and sweetened with agave looks amazing! My favourite recipe from her site is definitely her Community Supported Spinach Cake, but I recommend you try any and all!

Kalyn's Kitchen began as an initiative to share and exchange South Beach Diet recipes, but has evolved into an incredible resource for healthy recipes (in general) and great gardening tips; an excellent way to eat fruits, vegetables and herbs in-season. I often make her Roasted Butternut Squash with Moroccan Spices, even subbing in sweet potatoes for squash on occasion. Kalyn has categorized her recipes in the neatest, most accessible way. I think she would be the perfect roommate!

LiveWell360 is the brilliant site of Sheila Viers. From a 30-day oatmeal challenge, in which Sheila presents 30 delicious and healthy and sometimes savory ways to eat oatmeal, to motivational articles, this site glows with an almost youthfully optimistic approach to vibrant health. Sheila has an impressive arsenal of great recipes; often "makeovers" (or makeunders, as the case may require) of popular dishes.

Rice of Life is like a long, relaxing exhalation. You can't help but feel more self-accepting and empowered after reading each post. Filled with beautiful, nourishing recipes and all kinds of insight and postulations on what it means to really live, breathe and be yourself, I can't help but love this blog! The author, Ameet, is a cooking instructor and holistic health practitioner who is not afraid to tackle some of the more hushed (but significant!) topics in discussions of health.

Sunita's World is where I head when I need some great Indian recipes. Sunita writes with such a gentle and wondrous tone of voice, that it's hard not to fall in love with her family, her life and her food. A staple in my recipe collection is her Chicken Spaghetti Soup; a perfect use for Soba (buckweat) noodles! Whether you are looking for traditional Indian (and Assamese) recipes or some rad fusion fare, stop by for an otherworldly peek.

All of the links posted in the Kitchen on a Mission section boast some special feature, but the ones I've mentioned in this post have all contributed to my culinary repertoire and/or the health of my self-concept. The extravagance of sharing food, culture and imagery is one that each of these people enjoys with humour, diligence and joy.

As she faced the sun, she cast no shadow...

Like a dream, she moves from sweet to savoury, pouring the nectar of her happiness in to every bite of her creation. Usually overcome with some exhaustion turned delirium, her squares most often transform from wish to will just hours before the sun can catch up. But ungodly hours and the secret solitude of the night are the ingredients that only she can bring from lonesome song into symphony with sweet nectars, power yielding grains, skin-illuminating seeds and smile stimulating goodies.

Have I ever talked about squares? I believe I have mentioned them once briefly. If there is a reason you can trust a skinny chef, it is squares. Well, more speicifcally, if there is a reason you can trust MY beloved skinny (aka slender, strong and sassy sister) chef, it is because of her squares. Squares typically are the product of some late-night inspiration. My sister would stay up late, concocting and positing all kinds of political and philisophical academic arguments. Once that was done, or rather, when she was done, she would move quietly down to the kitchen, wave her magic wand and create these colourful, delicious and incredibly nutritious squares for her and I. My sister, being a very distance-happy runner (and former competitive superstar) and myself, being something of a weekday/weekend warrior - we really believe that good food happens when you take the best of what the earth has to offer and stir in some pontification (a la late night studying) and voila - you have these delightful little guys. My sister has made squares of every conceivable grain, and including everything from apples, carrots and zucchini to carob, chocolate, coconut and tahini in her cast of characters. Most remarkably, these squares never involve any refined sugars. In fact, they almost always involve a harmony of low glycemic carbs, omega3 rich fats, and tons of fibre. Designed for perfomance, tuned for taste and splashed with funk.

Well, days and nights have passed since the last square and the last Simmi moments. You see, my sister also happens to be (in addition to a professional chef) a ragingly accomplished academic, athlete and activist! So, I've lent her to the Migrant Forum in Asia to do Human Rights work in the Philipians until the end of February. It was only a matter of siderial days until I would crack and find myself leafing through her baking bible, running my fingers along the stray bits of batter and sugar that had brought the recipes to life on each page. Reading through her book made me feel for a few moments as though I was looking through her eyes and suddenly I found the courage tonight to make my first batch of squares.

Like Sim, I took a bit of inspiration from squares bygone, but decided to freestyle it and subscribe to the flow. So Sim, in retrospect, I could have included a lot more things, but I opted for the basic square: oats, toasted quinoa, bananas, honey, pepitas, Just Peanuts[tm], a few drops of NSA, apple bits, blackstrap mo', zucchini, an egg, the usual spicey suspects, belinda extract, raisins and in one corner of the pan, I tossed in a dark chocolate square for you.

I realized something so important tonight...
I am so not a baker.

But that aside, the smell coming from the oven tells me that hope is only another batch (or 10) of squares away. I'm still scared of baking soda and powder :/
The book, the squares, the grapes. EssentialSimmi!

Sisters don't let sisters be without squares.

Mock my words!

Since my first real hit of free time yesterday, I've been taking every chance I can to get back in the kitchen and play! Yesterday I whipped up some hummus (dazzling with a drizzle of honey and a nice, strong greek olive oil), mixed veggies, mashed sweet potatoes and fish...fun fun! I am also packing up a huge quantity of food for this weekend's tournament in Toronto. For tonight's dinner and tomorrow's lunch (provided that it lasts that long..) I made a healthy Sesame Chicken recipe, eaten over toasted, steamed brown rice. This one is adapted from Chef Lisa's recipe and is so good that you'll wish you'd grabbed a fork instead of chop sticks.. all the better to eat it up with, my dear!

(I added in some shredded cabbage and carrot and garnished with sesame seeds and goji berries)

Mock Sesame Chicken (looks long, but is actually quite simple!)

Ingredents
Marinade:
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp ginger ground
1-4 green onions (scallions)

Marinate
2 lbs Chicken breast cut into strips
1-4 hours in fridge

Other Ingredients:
1 Large Green Bell Pepper
3 Stalks Celery
1 Head Boc Choy
1 Bunch Broccoli
1 8oz can water chestnuts (drained)

1 Tbsp fresh garlic (minced)
1 Tbsp ginger (minced)
6-8 Green Onions (scallions)

Sauce:
1/4 cup soy sauce (black)
1 Tbsp Tahini
1 Tsp Toasted Sesame Oil
1 tsp Rice wine vinegar

Garnish:
Black and white sesame seeds
sliced green onion
(I added goji berries and also a drizz-dizzle of flaxseed oil for some more fat)

Method
1. Marinate chicken. Get a cast iron pan or wok very hot. Saute chicken a little at a time till brown on both sides. Do not over cook.
2. Chop vegetables into 1 1/2 inch pieces. Saute all vegetables until crisp and do not overcook, toss in the garlic, ginger and scallions and saute lightly, toss in chicken at the last minute just to heat.
3. Mix together ingredients for Sauce in a seperate bowl and toss everything together the sauce will get heated by the chicken and vegetables.
4. Place on plates and garnish with the sesame seeds and green onions.

YAM!

Add to this, copious quantities of water, fruit, various portable protein sources, sprouted grain crackers, almonds, walnuts and unsulphured, unsweetened dried fruit and we've got enough kilojoules of energy to produce at least a few good plays...I hope! Now, if I can just find the courage to pick up the "squares" where Simmi (my middle sister) left off. More on the squares later...


Everyone have a glorious weekend and enjoy the rest.. I sure as lactic acid need a ton, so catch a few winks for me ;)

"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Lewis Carroll

4:53AM. Emerge from impossibly comfortable bed, wash up (probably using toothpaste on my face and face wash on my teeth), slam down some fruit + protein shake, change and go lift heavy stuff.

Today I decided to take a different approach:

3x10: rolling around in bed (hmm, new substitute for foam rolling?)
8x1: hitting the snooze because I set my alarm for 4:53 on an off day (I felt some mild spinal decompression on the 6th rep from the rotation, so let's just call it mobility work)

Clearly, my foot is a bit disoriented..

Ok, in all seriousness, I had the most glorious morning off. From getting up an hour later than normal (though I do love the magic of the pre-sunrise hours) to consuming copious amounts of un-rushed iced Green tea and pineapple with mellow music sounds surrounding me, it was pretty blissful.

If you look closely, you can see the little fig antenna!

I should probably mention that my outstanding sense of direction played a leading role in helping to get me completely lost last night, on a one-hour-turned-2-hour walk. I have to tell you, getting lost in your own city is a lot more fun than you might think. Try walking out the door with just a water bottle and some musical device, if you fancy. It's a pretty liberating experience and a great way to test your self-assurance. Last night I found out that mine needs some work :/

Anyhooey, this was just about the best recipe for log-like (s)lumber imaginable. So I'm all caught up, feeling fantacular and ready to hit it pretty damn hard tonight at practice. PM looks like this: 1 hr skills practice and moderate tempo run.
This weekend will be lower body workout, sprint session and cross training.

There is a small personal victory in all of this: It feels great to finally value my rest as much as I do my efforts. Ok, maybe not quite THAT much :)

Of Foam Rollers, Face Pulls and Fresh Figs

Pull, roll, schmoosh. No, I'm not baking cinammon rolls, I'm just employing some action-verbs ("schmoosh" being the latest in lexical fashion) to my morning.
This was the first morning in about 3 days that I have woken up and felt remarkably awake! I sense that it could have been the re-introduction of ZMA this week (ZMA being Zombie Morning Ailment or Zing! Morning Alertness..or Zinc Magnesium B6, whichever you fancy).

Off I went to the gym for Day 2 Upper Body:
-Soft tissue work, mobility work.

1) Push ups "plus" (3x10, 90s rest)
2) DB Rows (3x8, 90s) - 25lbs
3) Face Pulls (3x8, 90s) - 50lbs (increase, wohoo!)
4) Y, T, W (3x10, 60s) - 5lbs
5) Reverse Crunch (3x10, 60s)

MMkay, looking at these numbers takes a bit of a hit at my ego but reaching in to my purse-pective and pulling out my monacle (I wish!) I can see that the movement patterns are becoming healthier, that I really haven't artophied any and that "face pulls" sound pretty creepy and medieval. They do involve rope and metal after all..

The highlight of this morning was definitely the fresh figs waiting at home! This morning's PWO:

1 slice sprouted grain bread, toasted and smeared with hummus and a drizzle of honey and 1 giant green fig schmooshed on top and basil. Plain yogurt + vanilla protein powder + fresh blueberries, broccoli and pear smoothie. Definitely better in person than on paper!

Last night's sprint work was kind of fragmented, as the track was closing just in to the third set of 4x100, so I drove home and finished it off in my hood.

In the end, it looked something like this:
4 x (4x100m) - 50m walk between 100's and 100m walk between sets. Pair this with 30 degree heat + humidity and we are talking deeeeetoxxxx. Like, sweating out of my fingertips, eyelids, growing-new-pores-just-so-I-can-sweat-more detox.

Anyhooey, tonight is rest (aka brisk walk with Mom) and tomorrow will be AM bike sprints and PM skills practice.

Note: When you are working toward any goal, I strongly caution against liberal use of music such as Death Cab for Cutie or the Postal Service for introspective individuals. Could throw you in to a mini existentialist crisis. My very gracious boyfriend was on the listening end of mine. Manski, I have a newfound respect for your comparmentalization skills. Thanks for the support :)

The only thing better than achieving is believing.

Insane in the P-Chain

The sun is shining bright over my first (official) day of the program designed by Mike. Starting ahora, I'll be logging gym sessions, practices/conditioning work, and noteworthy breakfasts mostly for my own reference, but would be grateful for any feedback or observations! My training goals for this phase are to "improve mobility and movement efficiency." This really means: wake up those glutes, get me some hula-skirt-swaying hip mobility and develop some speed/conditioning on the side.

I should mention that my workouts run about an hour in duration, but about 3/4 of that time is focused on soft tissue work, mobility drills and static stretching and activation work. Trust me, by 5:59am my glutes are more awake than a 6 year old on Festivus morning. (And they could probably crack those chestnuts roasting on the open fire, too!)

Day 1 - Lower body

3x10 (90s rest):

1)Static lunge w/ knee cave - bodyweight
2)Romanian deadlift - 130lbs (chest up, finish with glutes)
3)Spirited pelvic thrusts (aka Pull Throughs) - 50lbs
4)Single leg lowering - need to ask Mike about these

I won't log my prep work (foam rolling, MM drills, etc) in the interest of efficiency and also in consideration for Mike's efforts in designing programs.

For anyone suffering from breakfast boredom, I encourage you to pick up some high quality sprouted grain bread and let your imagination take over! My breakfast #2 was pretty rock and roll!

PWO meal:
1 slice Ezekiel cinnamon raisin toast (toasted) with a thin layer of almond butter and blueberries and strawberries all schmooshed on top. Protein source on the side :)
Taaastey!

Stoked for tonight's sprint work at the track in the haat haat heat. 5x4x4x100(50m walk)repeats - gah!

Have a lovely everyone!