I love September. I love school.
Today, I picked up a few textbooks and felt the sudden thrill of the new semester upon me. Every semester I meet new and special people, learn more information than I can believe will ever condense itself into my brain, and push myself into a new intellectual place. I love the buzz of new students on campus, offering directions to a lost newbie and surviving every assignment with my heart intact (even if my brain short circuits).
As this beautiful summer winds down, I feel absolutely humbled and inspired by some of the great things I've seen and done. I was a bit scared to enter a summer of no plans, no goals and no schedule, but I got something out of it that I never expected: comfortable silence. I finally learned to trust myself to make something wonderful of a blank canvas. I've never trusted myself enough to keep anything less than an impossible schedule, and doing the opposite was so liberating. I really struggled through the first month. I felt borderline depressed some mornings, and questioned how I could ever feel purposeful or productive without a job or some guiding obligation. After a while, though, I finally eased up on myself and after a proverbial punch to my privileged problem, I found that every day was an empty skillet, waiting for new ingredients.
I'm always looking to something, some mission/goal/thing to find my reflection, but I learned something so valuable when I finally stopped looking in all of the usual places: sometimes you need to look down if you want to see the stars.
Tiny masterpieces (probably half a dime size) in Jasper National Park
4 comments:
I'm so glad that you love school! I am always impressed with people who can say that because I always preferred the working world to the classroom.
I find it so hard to enter into anything with no goals and plans so I know how hard it must have been for you to do the same. I think that the need to be producive is inherent in our Indian genes. :)
Have a great week Jaya and just so you know, I think you are a fabulous person!!
What a great post! I must say, since I am 'on the other side', as a teacher, I do sometimes long for the student experience. And I have plenty of regrets about my own graduate student days...
Still, there are certain similarities - it's so exciting to return and, for me, to see old students and to talk to them. Getting to know the new kids is a longer process and takes time, but it usually ends up being very fulfilling too.
Finally, I loved reading about your experience without goals, a mission, a MAJOR PLAN - and how liberating it was.
Can't wait to hear more!
Isn’t it great to just let go sometimes. I am not a huge planner but I do make a mental checklist of things I want to achieve and having a clean slate before I try to do something, really makes me nervous. However with a few things in life, I am learning to just let go. It is very relaxing. I am glad you had a great summer and wish that you have a great fall sem. also hoping that your brain does not have a short circuit ;)
I always loved the smell and feel of new books and the promise they all hold! Good luck on your new venture!
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